Social Network Cravings

For me, Facebook has become more than just a social networking site -- it has become the source of the majority of my pregnancy cravings!

In the past week, alone, I can count about 3 food items I saw on my news feed that resulted in me saying, "Oh, I want that... now." Usually, if I can't satisfy the craving, it goes away in a short amount of time. Now, however, it's not like that... I guess these hormones are very decisive, and nothing slides!

For example, the other night, peas spontaneously popped in my head, and I wanted it... badly. We didn't have any, so I grabbed a can of vegetable beef soup that had about a handful of peas in it. I thought it was enough to do the trick... until I devoured 2 whole cans of lightly seasoned peas within the next couple of days.

Today, I saw banh xeo (Vietnamese savory/sizzling crepe) on my news feed, and you guessed it... I wanted it! Lucky for me, An was already out at the Asian market, so he was able to pick some up for me. However, I can't say it was as satisfying as the peas. Sometimes, these cravings can be deceitful... or maybe they're just extremely specific. Unfortunately, I took a couple bites, and I was done. *shrugs* I guess you can never compare anything to grandma's cooking! Next time I crave something Asian, I'll just go back to Facebook to find something with little variation possibilities! ;)

Does this make your mouth water as much as it did mine?

First Feeling of Worry

We had our 12-week check-up today -- something we were really excited about. We were anticipating seeing big changes in the baby's development on the ultrasound. Our very first visit at only 8 weeks showed the baby as a cute little blob of tissue, with a tiny flicker as the heartbeat. That was a precious moment for us.

Our precious (and alive!) blob of tissue! Can you see me?

Our second visit at 10 weeks showed a baby in the form of a gummy bear! You could see a well defined head and belly with little nubs as arms and feet. I think this is the visit we laughed the most at. I wish we had a recording of it, but the best part was watching our little "gummy bear" wave his/her little nubs energetically on the monitor. It was just too darn cute!

Our upside-down gummy bear swimming around at 8 weeks. Wee!

This time, the nurse started us out with a doppler just so that we could hear the heartbeat. It used the same instrument as an ultrasound, but it was connected to a small machine with a speaker. She searched  around for a good few minutes, and with each move of the wand, we were getting a little more nervous. An and I are both generally calm people in stressful environments, so we contained ourselves well... that, and we hold on tightly to our faith in God. While I was laying there, I silently prayed and muttered proclamations of life and fruition, and I could tell An was doing the same. I thank God for a man of faith. He keeps me balanced and brave.

After a few minutes, the nurse gave up, but calmly mentioned she's going to go out and grab the ultrasound machine. Like the good soul she is, she cheerfully talked about how great the new machine is, with its ability to show life-like images, and how she's still trying to get used to it since it's so new. Haha, this really made me happy. Though I didn't have much to say in response, she definitely put a smile on my face.

Our physician's assistant, who we are well acquainted and very comfortable with, shows up and performs the ultrasound for us just to make sure nothing is missed. Sure enough, just as God willed it, our precious baby's up on that screen, more alive than ever -- twisting and turning, waving his/her arms and just having a ball! They measured the heart rate then, and in the words of our PA, "161... beautiful." She continued to point out 5 fingers on one hand, the spine, the feet and tiny little legs, and of course, the alien-like head. (She didn't fail to mention it looked like an alien, either, haha!) At the end of the session, she said, "Sorry for the little scare," which slightly surprised me, considering I thought we did a great job of remaining calm, but I figured she understood well what exactly was going through our minds when the heartbeat couldn't be detected. Here's the video of a portion of our session, below.

So I guess that moment gave us a glimpse of what it feels like when we worry for the life of our child. It wasn't a big deal, but it was definitely a first for us. I'm sure every parent can describe this moment differently, but this is my account. Though it was so short-lived, it was like an intense roller-coaster ride within a 5-minute duration. Our hearts sank with worry for the worst, but they lifted up once again as we remind ourselves of our faith in knowing our God has a purpose for everything... and then they sink again as the fear of reality grabs a hold of us once again, but then right back up it goes when we remember we have the almighty Prince of Peace to lean on.

Turns out, the heart beat couldn't be detected with the doppler just yet because I'm still too small at this stage in the pregnancy... which, to be honest, I'm actually thankful for! If you know me, I'm a super petite gal... so most likely (and hopefully), I give birth birth to a not-so-big baby as well! ;)

The Announcement

We planned to make a public announcement of our joyful news at the end of our first trimester, right at 12 weeks. We cheated and announced it on the 11th week and 6th day... Not too bad, right?

Of course, arty-fartsy and sentimental me had to come up with a cover pic for our announcement. I couldn't have found a better idea than this! I've always loved Toms ever since the time they debuted their ever-so-genius philanthropic business concept to the world. I totally bought into the idea with a quickness... plus, I'm a sucker for super comfy flats. On top of that, I wanted to steal a chance to show off our family that includes our handsome busy-body lab, Tahoe. He's a hand-full (this may be the biggest understatement of the year), but we love him to pieces (and so will our kiddos)!

A special and huge thanks goes to my BFF, Serena, for being our personal photographer that day. Like I said, Tahoe's definitely not easy to deal with, so she ONLY had to take a million pictures of us...

The rest of our announcement photos can be viewed here. Enjoy!

What Happened Was...

Warning: Post may contain TMI for some sensitive and un-weened souls.

Several close friends and family have asked us whether our pregnancy was planned or unplanned, and the answer to that is... both!

It was a pretty amazing moment when we first found out from a home-pregnancy test. I was about 4 days late, so I sent An on a non-urgent errand to pick up a test on the way home from his weekly boys' night. I have a knack for knowledge and researching, so I knew the best time to test was in the morning when your HCG (the pregnancy hormone) levels were at its highest. I'll tell you this: between An and I, he was the more anxious one to find out. I have this ability to maintain a giddy inner-me where I can jump for joy and freak out as much as I want without anyone noticing, haha (or so I think). When morning came, I could tell he was wide awake, just laying there, waiting for me to wake up, do my thing, and give him a verdict. Of course, I decided to play dumb, pretended to walk to the bathroom half asleep, and went back to bed pretending to go back to sleep. I think he knew what I was up to, so he tapped me on my shoulder and said, "So?" Haha, I can never get anything past that guy...

I gave him my "pee-stick" and allowed him a minute to decipher the results. Overwhelmed with anxiety, he frustratingly exclaims, "What does it mean? I can't understand it!" even with the legend clearly printed next to the result window. "Seriously?" I ask. It's not my fault he decided to be cheap and not get the test that actually spells out "Pregnant" and "Not Pregnant" for you! Haha. He takes another minute, and this huge grin appears on his face. Yes. Success. My husband can read lines. Haha.

Can YOU read this pregnancy test? =P

It was a very joyful moment for the both of us, but I admit, my maternal instincts kicked in quickly, and the first thing that popped in my mind was, "I need to see a doctor... NOW." You see, I've had this autoimmune disease (lupus) for 16 years now, that I've been faithfully counting on the healing of, mind you, and I believe in precautions and making wise decisions about my health. All I wanted was to make sure I did everything I could to make sure my baby was safe, and leave the rest to God.

Now back to the planned/unplanned thing. When An and I got married, we weren't sure when we wanted to have children, but we knew for a fact we wanted to have them. If you know us well, you'd know we're not into detailed planning. In our own individual lives, even before we met each other, we've trusted God with a lot of things, and we seemed to like it very much that way. Even the story of how we met was very spontaneous and well, a God thing. Therefore, we haven't changed in that department much, and we don't plan on doing so anytime soon, either. When we got married, I was still in school, and at that time, I still had a ways to go. We decided birth control would be best for us. However, a year later, with changes in both his and my careers, it seemed as if God had different plans for us, and it wouldn't hurt letting Him in on even more aspects of our life. Long story short, we discontinued birth control while making sure I stayed off of lupus medications, and consequently started prenatal vitamins. However, we decided not to set a "goal," nor actively "try." We wanted to protect our hearts and avoid obsessing over a goal, and just allow God to call the shots. Two months later, voila! God blessed us with a late period and positive pregnancy test! See? Planned, but unplanned!

I believe it's a miracle in itself that, even with my health condition, I was able to conceive as soon as I did, even without intention. God is so good and merciful. An and I have always believed life is always easier when you just close your eyes and let go, and give God full reign. It has always worked for us then... and it is still working now.

Taken after our first OB visit @ 8 weeks in the back of our complex.
I shed a tear of joy at this visit. :)

Introduction

I love to write for many reasons... to express myself, and to keep my writing skills honed, just to name a couple. Sometimes, it feels like a sweet release. Some people use a punching bag... or the restroom - I write.

Another reason I write is to record memories. I take pictures, too. I believe pictures are a thousand words, but what happens to those moments you aren't able to catch? All you have is your memory, and sometimes, you can't even trust it because it fades. Words stay around forever (especially on a free blog on the internet... Thanks, Google).

I have another blog I use primarily to express my personal experiences with God, faith, love, and trust - the whole works. I usually only write it in when I'm deeply prompted to by the Holy Spirit, mainly because I'm too busy to write. So when He says to write, I make sure to do so.

I wanted to make another blog (this one) for a different purpose -- my family. My husband, An, and I have been married for a year, 7 months, and 9 days... and I'm 12 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I want our children to be able to do something neither my husband nor I got the opportunity to do... to recount the days that existed in their family before they can remember. I want us to be able to do that same, too. It's the same reason we pay for wedding videos and maybe even write our own vows -- to be able to look back at them years later and feel an emotion we completely forgot the feeling of. It's a beautiful thing...

So, here's to precious moments, challenging moments, tears of joy, and above all, true love...